Monday, September 11, 2006

Too much

Life is well, life is fucking confusing. I am at a very unsettling time in my life right now, namely - 6 mos pregnant and recently separated. Without getting into assorted details of my marriage, it boils down to: staying out and drinking with working buddies vs. coming home on time (frequently) AND purchase of a Harley Davidson motorcycle wilst wife is 5 mos pregnant, mentioned that if said bike was purchased, you were "as good as single", in middle of trying to purchase a house. Rode home on motorcycle the next day. Following day after that..wife gets up in morning, packs up her and son's belongings and trucks her growing belly to her Mom's to figure out what the fuck. Finally I have gotten my own place and am now in the hell called "figuring it all out". Family hatred of me aside, I think this is the right decision. I think he needs to figure out if he wants to live life as a bachelor or as a married man, with a wife who actually expects him to act like a husband and father, not a happy go lucky, free for all bachelor who does whatever he pleases. In the same frame, nobody seems to understand that this isn't "IT" as in the "final" decision. Things can change, and I pray to God they will change. There is nothing more that I did NOT want then to have to do this to my son, or my new son on the way. But sometimes you gotta stand up for what you think is right and call what you think is bullshit. On top of that there are big changes going on at work that really have me wondering if I will retain my job or not...and I think I'm supposed to keep my wits about me during this time, but you know what, sometimes that is really fucking hard.. Especially with pregnancy hormones.