Stupid is as stupid does, I guess

I found an article in the local paper yesterday that really pissed me off. Seems some guy, who is licensed to carry a gun, shot a kid. Well, let's be clear here - the kid somehow wound up on this guy's porch with his own gun and wanted to rob him. So, the homeowner shot him. And the kid's cousin or somebody was quoted by the paper whining about how her cousin is now dead. Well, here's a big news flash - MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T BE OUT, CARRYING A GUN AND TRYING TO ROB PEOPLE! I am so sick of hearing all this crap about how sorry they feel for the kid. Do I think it's a good thing when people die, hell no! But, if you are out, robbing, carjacking, threatening people with guns, trying to shoot at cops, trying to run over cops, well, what do you think the chances are that you might get harmed yourself? It's a sad shame that there are kids as young as 11 or 12 years old out trying to be tough and needing a gun to prove it. But it's even more of a shame that people are up arms over innocent people trying to protect themselves, rather than asking what a kid is doing with a gun and how they can change that.

WTF?

I am sitting at work today and talking to the paralegal. We are chatting it up, and I turn around to look at her and there, sitting in the middle of the freaking office, is a mouse. I stop in midsentence, muttering "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" She follows my gaze to the floor, and the little shit is just sitting there, hovering, quivering, like he has no idea that we are even there. I mean, aren't mice supposed to run from humans? Not walk right into the middle of the f'ing floor and sit down? And then not even move after hearing our squeals? We both panic, not knowing what to do. This clearly falls under "Man's Job". We are not men. We decide to throw a box over top of it and see what happens. It doesn't move, it is trapped. We leave it there, figuring it will die or someone will get it - eventually. Just not us. I leave voicemail for the boss that we do not remember in our job descriptions the wording "pest control". What a little ballsy thing. I am crabby due to our shitty weather, which graced us with 80 degrees last week, only to f'ing snow on Easter, and yes, it's still shitty, although the snow has turned to rain instead. I get the boys from the sitter, get home, give Cole a bath, of course he graces me with a urine shower prior to being placed in the tub. After that , get him out, go to feed him, all is well until the burping period, when somehow he manages to puke not only all over my shoulder, but it slides down my chest right through my cleavage. It's not the best feeling in the world, of this I am sure.

Love those cheeks

The miracle of breastfeeding

I'm not going to get all sappy about how great it is to breastfeed your baby, I am just going to post two pictures and you can see for yourself what wonders it has done for me in , uh, two areas.....

Before:


After:

Yeah, it's too bad I can't keep them forever!

An average day

6am - Wake up , feel myself up to see which boob is fuller, unleash that boob, feed baby, count number of minutes i have to sleep from time he finishes to time I have to get up, never satisifed with the number..

7:30am - wake up, change diaper (on baby) put his vibrating seat in the bathroom, start water for shower, enter Evan, who pushes me out of the way saying "i gotta pee mommy". Take 1.5 second shower, or at least that is what it feels like. All the while peeking out to make sure that oh, evan didn't decide that he should pick up Cole and take him somewhere. Baby starts crying, i hastily get out of shower, forgetting that conditioner was never rinsed out of hair

7:45am - Evan wants to take a bath and doesn't understand my need to get dressed before i help him.

8:00am- try to dress evan while nursing cole. getting better at this

8:30 - off to babysitters with evan so i can work from home without interruption - well, without interruptions of an almost 4 year old, who has 20 questions about everything.

9am - try to log on to work email, something is wrong and i cannot get in. make coffee

9:15 - get into work email, then house phone rings.. remember while on phone i forgot to turn on the dryer...in 1.2 seconds forget about it again.

9:30-11:30 - baby time, changing, feeding, playing, rocking, etc.

12:00 - oh crap, forgot to put in the mailbox the mail i have been meaning to mail out the last 4 days. oh well, try again tomorrow

12:30 - oh yeah, i should do some work now that the baby is sleeping - as i stare at the couch and daydream about sleeping

12:35 - baby is crying, binky fell out. replace binky. back to work, oh wait, i didn't even start yet

1:00 - baby wants to eat. man this kid eats alot. maybe that is why he is getting 3 chins, and arm and leg rolls.

2ish - oops, must of dozed off after finished feeding Cole. oh well. try to sleep a little longer, that way I'll be more productive this afternoon - yeah, that sounds about right.

2:20 - guess he doesn't want to sleep.

2:30 - ok, time for the swing, that should buy me about 15 minutes to do work.

2:40 - or maybe he'll just puke all over himself and the swing, and then on me. strip down baby, swing, myself. realize i never turned on dryer and hence have no clean bra. not wearing one is not an option, as they have ballooned up to mammoth size and feel like i am carrying a 5 lb weight on each side. stay in wet, dirty clothes until dryer finishes it's cycle.

3:40 - ahh, clean bra, clean shirt. heaven. wait, did i eat lunch yet? nope, and so a grilled cheese seems easy enough.

3:45 - why isn't this grilled cheese cooking? check stove - forgot to turn on burner. that would explain it.

4:00 - Oh yeah, work. let's see here, ok, feed baby so maybe he'll sleep. and then work.

4:45 - ok, baby sleeping, might as well throw in some laundry, put the dishes away and reload the dishwasher, fold the clothes from the dryer, run the vacuum, just really quick.

5:30 - justin home from work. evan home from sitter. time to make dinner. forgot to get key ingredients for dinner while at grocery store other day. damn brain farts.

6:30 - after dinner cleanup, try to do something with evan so he doesn't feel left out and unimportant since new baby came home.

7:30 - tired, so so tired. baby hungry again. evan wants to play some more. i just want sleep, lots and lots of uninterrupted sleep.

8:30 - bargin with evan about bedtime.

9:30 - evan yelling from his room MOMMY. run to see what the emergency is. he is thristy. make deal about how much water he can have, since we don't want a pee filled bed in the middle of the night.

9:45 - evan yelling again. he is hungry this time. make peanut butter bread, and of course, needs something else to drink as peanut butter makes him thirsty.

10:15 - justin has nerve to wink at me and say ' you ready for me baby'? huh. not quite.

10:30 - feed baby, pretend that tonight he will sleep for 4 hour stretches just to make myself feel better.

10:35 - in bed

10:36 sleeping

11:30 - baby awake and hungry

1:00 - wake, whip out boob, feed, burp, repeat with other boob. change diaper. briefly wonder if it would benefit me to wear diapers also, it would save me the precious sleep time it takes me to make my twice nightly trips to the bathroom. think about recent astronaut story. decide to forego diaper wearing for now. worry about bills, think of work that didn't get done. fall back asleep.

3:00 - repeat

4:30- repeat

6:00 - start it all over again..

But, when I look at these two - i realize i wouldn't have it any other way

Welcome, Cole Alexander....

January 4, 2007
6:15pm
6lb 1 oz, 19-1/2 inches

Darling baby boy, I am so glad you are here!!

Labor was induced at 2:05pm, he was born 4 hours later.

I'm a lucky, lucky, lucky girl.

Waiting and waiting

39 weeks and counting...Evan came at 39 weeks - but isn't your second kid supposed to come earlier or did someone tell me that just to make me feel better? They are talking about inducing on Friday b/c they think he is small and something about the placenta not functioning to capacity... hoping he'll decide to move out in the next few days b/c don't want to be induced. Would rather let him come out on his own, but apparently he doesn't feel the need! Wondering how small or not he'll be - doesn't feel small as I carry him around at all. Evan was only 6lb2oz, pretty small, and he was healthy. Well, guess even if he decides not to go on his own, I know by the end of the week I'll have a new baby boy!

Irritability

This is the only word to describe me right now. Last week the dr. told me that she thought the baby was measuring small , so of course I got all freaked out, and had to go for an ultrasound, and he was almost 5lbs. I don't think that seems all that small, since Evan was only 6lbs2oz, but I am not a dr. Then they did that glorious thing called an 'internal' and found me to be dialating already. So, i was ordered to go home and do nothing for a week or so, until my next appointment, b/c it was a little too soon for him to come out yet. It is now 6 days later, and my appointment isn't until FRIDAY. I am SICK of being home, not being able to CLEAN, or go to work, or do anything. Yes, it is sickness, probably. Everyone I have spoken to said I am crazy, b/c if their dr. told them to go home and do nothing but lay around and eat, they would be happy. But, they do not realize that if I am not doing it, it is not getting done, OR, it is getting done, but not to my specifications - not to get all OCD on everyone, but there are certain ways to clean, and certain ways NOT to clean. And there are things that apparently males do not see that need to be done, which women seem to have overly sensitive powers to notice. And so that is where I am at. And if I can just wait until next week when I'll be considered full term, I can scrub and wash and fold and organize to my hearts content.

Letter

Dear Son who presently resides in my uterus,
It has been quite a long time since I lived in a uterus, and in fact I cannot remember what it was like. I can assume that it must be a bit cramped in there. However, at this time I would respectfully request that you quit taking your foot, elbow, hand, knee and any other limb and jamming them into my side so that I feel like you are going to poke right out of my skin. I am sure you are anxious to get out so that you can stretch unlimitedly, but we have about a 5-6 week window to work with here so don't get too excited just yet. Thanks in advance. Love, Mommy

I hate the mall

First of all, I realize Thanksgiving is coming up soon here, but really, it's not Christmas yet! I went to the mall twice this week because somehow I really actually needed to go two times for various things. Early in the week I was astounded to see Santa and the Choo Choo and the decor already up. I mean, it's November. I don't remember crap being up this early ever, maybe I am wrong. Or crabby. Or wrong, crabby and pregnant. Today the mall was hell on earth. I forgot how much I hate holiday shopping. Crowded & hot, with rude people pushing their way around you. It does nothing for the cause when you are trying to manuever you big belly through the chaos along with a 3 year old . Then we stop to eat, and some kid behind us not only pukes all over, there is not a mall employee in sight to clean it up. Nor another table open anywhere, so we are forced to sit there trying to eat while smelling puke. Not a fun place to be. I don't care if they are having a 10 for 1 sale on anything at the mall...I'm doing the rest of my shopping online.

It doesn't look as big as it feels...

I feel like a big house, and then I look at this picture and it just doesn't make sense.

Lazy

I have been in a rut lately. A big pregnancy rut. Oh sure, I work, I grocery shop, I clean, I take care of Evan. But any free time? Well, that is consumed by mostly laying around and eating. I have no idea if this is true for most people who have been pregnant more than once, but I have an awful achey sensation in my loins (I never realized where my loins were until now) that almost prohibits me from lifting my legs even 1 cm by the end of the day. The doctor said it's due to ligament stretching. Well, it sucks. I am not one to whine, but it has put a big damper on my plans to run right through this pregnancy and not really slow down my pace. And it seems to be the worst at about 3 am when i'm waking up to trudge down the hall for the middle of the night bathroom visit. Anyway, 9 weeks to go if he decides to come on time...

Duh!

For like 3 weeks I have not been able to log on to my Blogger account and type anything, b/c every time I put in my username it would bring up a different blog. This was quite frustrating, until today, when i realized that I was entering the wrong user name. Huh. I have been quite stupid the last few days. I blame it on the expansion of my stomach, coupled with the enormous amounts of food I've been consuming for the last 2 weeks or so. Evan has been going to preschool now for a month and a half and loves it - too cute.

Too much

Life is well, life is fucking confusing. I am at a very unsettling time in my life right now, namely - 6 mos pregnant and recently separated. Without getting into assorted details of my marriage, it boils down to: staying out and drinking with working buddies vs. coming home on time (frequently) AND purchase of a Harley Davidson motorcycle wilst wife is 5 mos pregnant, mentioned that if said bike was purchased, you were "as good as single", in middle of trying to purchase a house. Rode home on motorcycle the next day. Following day after that..wife gets up in morning, packs up her and son's belongings and trucks her growing belly to her Mom's to figure out what the fuck. Finally I have gotten my own place and am now in the hell called "figuring it all out". Family hatred of me aside, I think this is the right decision. I think he needs to figure out if he wants to live life as a bachelor or as a married man, with a wife who actually expects him to act like a husband and father, not a happy go lucky, free for all bachelor who does whatever he pleases. In the same frame, nobody seems to understand that this isn't "IT" as in the "final" decision. Things can change, and I pray to God they will change. There is nothing more that I did NOT want then to have to do this to my son, or my new son on the way. But sometimes you gotta stand up for what you think is right and call what you think is bullshit. On top of that there are big changes going on at work that really have me wondering if I will retain my job or not...and I think I'm supposed to keep my wits about me during this time, but you know what, sometimes that is really fucking hard.. Especially with pregnancy hormones.

It's another boy!

Well, all this time, figuring that I was so sick , which was different from my pregnancy with Evan, I for SURE thought I was having a girl. My mom thought I was having a girl, my sister, Justin, pretty much everyone except for maybe two people thought girl. As soon as I started feeling movement, and it wasn't little flutters, it was pretty strong right from the beginning, I just figured it was a very feisty girl. Boy, were we all wrong! There is no doubt about it, as he was even grabbing himself during the ultrasound. Which is SUCH a boy thing...and it starts even earlier than I had realized. It's always so reassuring to see the movement and little hands and feet, only this time I had the 3D which was new to me. Wow, that is an amazing thing. And the technician said he's about 9 oz now, which is also quite amazing, seeing everything has developed - eyes, nose, mouth, ears, feet, toes, hands, heart, kidneys.. and only 9 oz. Other than that news, everything has been a little busy here.. I am in crazy pregnancy "I want everything done, NOW" and have picked out paint for 3 rooms,still have to pick a kitchen color and then I think I'll leave the rest the color they are now.. 1 is done, carpet has been ripped up, in the process of refinishing wood floor in Evan's room, which will be the baby's room after I move Evan upstairs with his big brother. I'm not ready for this move yet, I hope I will be before January. I am not sure if he is ready for it yet either. Evan got the chicken pox this week from a girl at his sitters, he's not too bad because he had the vaccine but he's still miserable. He starts preschool in a week in a half - the stepkids start next week. Soon it will be fall and before you know it, winter and I'll be ready to pop.

Curse you, all day sickness..

I am trying to post just something, anything, so that I can remember this time about three years from now, when I most likely will say, "oh, I don't remember being that sick with either pregnancy". I throw up daily. It is not fun. I did not throw up when I was pregnant with Evan , save for 2 - yes, only 2 times. And, that was only once during early pregnancy, the later being from the flu in my 8th month. This is not fun, to be sure. I can be fine one minute, like the other night whilst laying in bed talking to Justin, and then then next minute, before he even knows what is going on, I am sprinting out of bed running for the bathroom. So far though, I haven't had any publicly embarassing urps... like at the grocery store, or at a red light. I was fighting it last week on the way home from work, but I did make it home. However, sweet relief should be right around the corner, 2 weeks away from that glorious 4th month. With any luck, the next two pukey weeks should fly right by.

Exhaustion...

You know, I think God has this neat little trick.. It goes something like - he clears out your memories of all the crappy things about pregnancy like nausea, extreme fatigue, anxiety, pain, etc... He has to do this, or you will never procreate after that 1st one. I am so tired, I could, at most any time of the day, lay my head down on anything.. desk, table, brick, and fall fast asleep. However, I can't do that because I have to work when I'm at work, and when I'm at home, I have a rambunctious 3 year old that doesn't understand the words "relax" "take a break" "mommy just needs two minutes to lay here". I am complaining, yes, but of course I am excited still. And even more excited for the 2nd trimester, when, if memory serves me correctly (which it probably does not) I will again feel like my normal, spastic self with energy to clean the floors and wash the 10 sinkfuls of dishes every stinking day.

Happy Mothers Day!

Well, interesting news over here. Just in time for Mothers Day. Last Friday for Cinco de Mayo, I went to a party at my sister's friends house, who is also the person who watches Evan two days a week for me. In the middle of the party she turns to me and says, "someone in this house tonight is pregnant, and I think it's you". I laugh it off, and tell her, yeah I have the sore boobs but it's only because my period is on it's way. So, Sunday morning my sister calls and tells me, "kathy is obsessing about you being pregnant. " I tell her, well, I really don't think so... but, if it'll make you both happy, I'll take a test, just to put this all to rest. Ok. So, she tells me that she is going to call Kathy and tell her (as a joke) that I was really sick and thought I had food poisoning and that I went to the hospital and they told me that : 1.) i was pregnant and 2.) that i was having twins, b/c the pregnancy hormone was so high that I must be having twins. Ha ha ha. So, soon as I get off the phone with her I take the test. Before I can even look at it the phone rings and it's kathy congratulating me on my 'twins'. No sooner does she speak that I look at the stick and low and behold there are TWO LINES. I tell her quickly, wait, wait kathy it was a joke but now i am really not joking and I am looking at the stick and i AM! So we decide to 3 way call my sister and of course she doesn't believe us and thinks we are playing a joke on her now. I had to take a picture of the stick and send it to her for proof. Well, I was pretty surprised and as a matter of fact still surprised, and since I am such a worrier I am worrying like crazy now, but hopefully everything will be ok and I will soon be on my way to gaining the 50+ lbs that I did with Evan. Course if I am calculating it right: My stepson's birthday is in November, mine and my stepdaughters birthdays are in December, the new baby will be in January and then Evan's is in February. Parties 4 months in a row....for the rest of my life!

All kinds of assorted crap

After the puke fest of Evan, I had my own. ONLY, mine started the night before EASTER and proceeded to persist the whole darn day. Easter was mostly ruined, and it was all my fault. Well, all the stomach virus that engulfed me and made me violently ill all day's fault. I had shopped, I had cleaned, I had cooked, I had baked and for what? To have a shitty, puke filled day of blah. I couldn't even get excited for the Easter egg hunt that I had purchased 60+ eggs for. I couldn't hide the eggs, I barely stumbled on the back steps to watch it, as I sat there hugging my knees to my chest because my stomach felt like it was turning inside out. What the hell. Come monday, back to work and I swear it took me all week before I even felt like eating anything other than noodles and broth. So, that was that. I remember getting sick on Christmas, every Christmas, for years when I was little. Driving home on Christmas Eve from grandma's house, trying to sleep after I wretched my guts out at her house, while everyone was hoping I would get better so I could enjoy the things they bought me, or at least be minimally excited by the festivities. I remember walking downstairs in my house the year my mom got me a new bike, looking at it, and going back upstairs to lay down. I do not think it was a coincidence. I think I got overly excited and made myself sick, not on purpose, but because I didn't know any better. I now know better, and still, evil stomach bug - you come creeping around and there I was again.

A messy day

I am just in a funk this week. Well, really, for a couple of weeks. I keep thinking its the weather, and then it gets nicer out and I still have no energy. Saturday my stepdaughter got a 103 degree fever, and was sick all day sunday as well. I stayed home with her Monday, and by the end of the day she was feeling a little better, and at least, her fever had come down. Monday night I was awoken by my son at 2:30am, who was standing at the end of my bed saying "Mommy? Mommy" when I sat up in bed, I smelled him. There is no doubt when you smell puke that you are smelling puke. I was hoping against hope that is NOT what I was smelling, but alas, after I turned on the light, there was puke, on him, his pj's, etc. Put him into the tub, cleaned him up and put him on the couch with a lot of towels - just in case. Proceeded to clean up the puke filled bed, blankets, etc. Was asked by my husband why I was doing laundry in the middle of the night. Explained the situation. Approx. 10 minutes later was asked again by husband what I was doing and why I wasn't in bed. Again explained situation. Stayed up all night with poor little guy who threw up God only knows how many more times from 2:30 til 7:15 when he finally dozed off. At 5:30 said husband woke up for work and wanted to know why I had not made him coffee since I was up anyway. Aghrrrrr. So, baby falls asleep at 7:15 and had to wake him at 7:45 to take the stepkids to school. Packed with towels, we are on our way. Thought everything was fine until on the way back when I had to pull over the car b/c the poor kid was throwing up again. Finally after I went through all the towels in the linen closet and the ones that I had washed the night before, he fell asleep and when he awoke, thankfully, it was gone. And he wanted chocolate milk. And husband, upon getting home from work and looking at me, asked me two things: why do you look so tired? AND what's for dinner? Pfffft!