What presents?
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
The kid is not greedy...
Evan opened a few presents. Then he got to his Thomas DVD. He didn't want to open any more. When I asked him if he wanted to open more, he told me no thanks! So, here he sits with all his unopened presents. He waited 4 more hours before he got the urge, when the kids finally got here. I bet that's not how it is going to be next year!
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Santa
Well, we took Evan to go see Santa yesterday. My dumb ass has been telling him,
"now, you have to tell Santa what you want so he brings it for you"
It never dawned on me to explain how that works. So, we wait in line, he's excited to see him. We are standing there, it's almost our turn. He turns to me and says, "mommy, don't wanna sit on santas wap" I said, ok, well, you have to sit on his lap so they can take your picture. So, we walk up to him, and no, he is not going to sit on some strange guys lap. Santa offers me to sit on his lap. I decline. I sit to the side, placing Evan facing santa so that I can still get a picture, hopefully with me not in it. They get the picture, everything is fine. Until, that is, we get up to leave. Evan says, " i want a thomas train" I tell him, " no, honey, he doesn't give it to you now, he brings it to our house on Christmas" This does not please him. He wants his Thomas train, and he wants it NOW. I pull him away. Justin is standing there waiting to pay for the picture. he asks what's wrong. I explain. In is infinite wisdom, he tells evan, "but you didn't even sit on his lap". Well, now he wants to go back and sit on his lap, if that means he will then get his thomas train. But, there are 100 other kids waiting, and we already had our turn. So, this creates a lousy situation ripe for a tantrum. Which he has one, a great one, I screaming, red-faced, embarass us, kicking and screaming tantrum. I make Justin carry him through the mall. I even slow up a little, let Justin walk ahead. Gauge the people watching a man carrying a screaming 2 year old through the mall. I even smile, as if I were thinking, "oh, that poor man, thank God my kids don't act that way".
"now, you have to tell Santa what you want so he brings it for you"
It never dawned on me to explain how that works. So, we wait in line, he's excited to see him. We are standing there, it's almost our turn. He turns to me and says, "mommy, don't wanna sit on santas wap" I said, ok, well, you have to sit on his lap so they can take your picture. So, we walk up to him, and no, he is not going to sit on some strange guys lap. Santa offers me to sit on his lap. I decline. I sit to the side, placing Evan facing santa so that I can still get a picture, hopefully with me not in it. They get the picture, everything is fine. Until, that is, we get up to leave. Evan says, " i want a thomas train" I tell him, " no, honey, he doesn't give it to you now, he brings it to our house on Christmas" This does not please him. He wants his Thomas train, and he wants it NOW. I pull him away. Justin is standing there waiting to pay for the picture. he asks what's wrong. I explain. In is infinite wisdom, he tells evan, "but you didn't even sit on his lap". Well, now he wants to go back and sit on his lap, if that means he will then get his thomas train. But, there are 100 other kids waiting, and we already had our turn. So, this creates a lousy situation ripe for a tantrum. Which he has one, a great one, I screaming, red-faced, embarass us, kicking and screaming tantrum. I make Justin carry him through the mall. I even slow up a little, let Justin walk ahead. Gauge the people watching a man carrying a screaming 2 year old through the mall. I even smile, as if I were thinking, "oh, that poor man, thank God my kids don't act that way".
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Oh Fach!
So, my mom has these chickens at her house.. Henny Penny and Little Guy. Little Guy recently met his untimely demise. At the time, my mom didn't know what got him, but it obviously got him good, b/c when she went out in the morning, there he lay. Now, how do we explain this to Evan? Well, we tell him little guy went to heaven. This has been going on for weeks now, our conversations about little guy and how he went to heaven, and that's why we dont' see him anymore. So, today i'm at the store, and Chef Boyardee is on sale. My stepson loves this stuff. Could probably eat cans and cans of it a day if I let him. So I exclaim to Evan, " oh look, it's on sale! we can get a bunch! Kyle's gonna be in heaven!" To which this little face looks up at me, with a sad look and says, "Mommy, Kyle DIED?" I try to explain that it is only an expression... Many aisles later, I was still reasuring him that Kyle, indeed, is still alive.
This is just one of many conversations that evolved from the chicken's death. The other one being, that the last time Evan visited my mom, he came home and was talking to Kyle and Michaela and his dad in the car about Little Guy. They get home, I had dinner ready. We sit at the table. Evan starts talking about little guy. I say, yes, it's very sad he died.
He says, "mommy, little guy died. Little guy sad. Oh Fach."
I start laughing (i know, the completely inappropriate thing to do when a kid swears, but my God if you would of heard the was he said it, it was so damn funny.
which makes him say, fach fach fach.
I call my mom to tell her the story. We have a good laugh.
He is with her later that week. They are driving and she see's a fox on the side of the road.
"Hey Evan, look at the fox!"
"yeah gra, i see it, i see dat fach"
Mystery solved. I wondered where he got such a word from. Certainly it's not said around this house! I pick him up after that visit. She had explained to me what happened. He must have figured that the fox got the chicken. So, on the way home, he's chattering in the backseat.
"oh mommy, dat fach, i see dat black fach that black fach is dick!"
What?
Again he repeats.
I'm laughing again.
This time, I have figured out the fach aspect, but this new dick word is throwing me for a loop.
"Black fach, Black FACH a DICK!
I say, but grandma said you saw a RED fox?
"No mommy, black fach, black fach a dick!"
OK.
Quick email to mom when I get home.
She had forgotten to tell me , there was a black fox on her DECK.
Another mystery solved, but no less funny.
This is just one of many conversations that evolved from the chicken's death. The other one being, that the last time Evan visited my mom, he came home and was talking to Kyle and Michaela and his dad in the car about Little Guy. They get home, I had dinner ready. We sit at the table. Evan starts talking about little guy. I say, yes, it's very sad he died.
He says, "mommy, little guy died. Little guy sad. Oh Fach."
I start laughing (i know, the completely inappropriate thing to do when a kid swears, but my God if you would of heard the was he said it, it was so damn funny.
which makes him say, fach fach fach.
I call my mom to tell her the story. We have a good laugh.
He is with her later that week. They are driving and she see's a fox on the side of the road.
"Hey Evan, look at the fox!"
"yeah gra, i see it, i see dat fach"
Mystery solved. I wondered where he got such a word from. Certainly it's not said around this house! I pick him up after that visit. She had explained to me what happened. He must have figured that the fox got the chicken. So, on the way home, he's chattering in the backseat.
"oh mommy, dat fach, i see dat black fach that black fach is dick!"
What?
Again he repeats.
I'm laughing again.
This time, I have figured out the fach aspect, but this new dick word is throwing me for a loop.
"Black fach, Black FACH a DICK!
I say, but grandma said you saw a RED fox?
"No mommy, black fach, black fach a dick!"
OK.
Quick email to mom when I get home.
She had forgotten to tell me , there was a black fox on her DECK.
Another mystery solved, but no less funny.
Never leave a 2 year old unattended....
Well, today I was making dinner - and, as part of making dinner, i had to de-skin (is that a word?) some chicken. So, while I was standing at the sink doing this yucky task, it was oh so quiet in the living room. I had put on a video for Evan, so I figured he was watching it. I figured wrong. He had taken his stool, pulled it over to the shelves and removed my purse. I finished my task and walked into the living room. There he stood with his finger in my chapstick. And then he looked up at me , and well, the picture says it all. Why he applied this to his eye area instead of his lips, is something i probably will never know...
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Again, why do I even try to understand my husband?
So, Hubby goes to visit an old friend yesterday afternoon. I speak to him around 5, he at no time mentions that he is not at home. Told me he got the night off from work, so he'll see me when I get there. OK. So, I have a few things to do but will be home in an hour or so. I get home, and he's not there. I wait, oh, an hour or two and call him. Oh, I am at my favorite watering hole. oh, and I let Jack take your car to go to his house, it's only right around the corner.
You WHAT?
Oh, come on , it's no big deal. He's fine.
Ok, what time did he leave you?
Oh, I dunno about 1-1/2 hours ago.
HMMMMM.. freak out now or wait?
I say, calmly, (i think it was calmly).. call his ass up right now and get my car back.
He - well, i'll call him in a bit.
I hang up.
1 hour later:
Ring ring!
Hello?
Yes, DEAR, have you gotten my car back yet?
uhh, no, but i called him.
ahhh, ok.. did he answer?
uhh, no, but, well..
I SWEAR TO GOD, you better figure out what that hell..
Ok, i'll start walking to his house.
FINE.
click.
Now, it's approx. 11 degrees outside. I am so pissed.
You see, we got a new car, a bigger car that I usually drive.
He usually drives a truck.
This car in this story however, used to be "my car" before we married.
It is now for sale.
Because we don't drive it, I forgot to mail in the regsitration to get tags on it.
So, the car has expired tags.
The friend had a suspended license. which i was told it wasn't suspended anymore, but well, ya know how the shit starts getting deep when they know they have screwed up.
I am flaming pissed.
It is now 10:50p.m. I have work tomorrow. I have a 2 year old that isn't in bed yet. I AM PISSED.
I pack up my son and I , and we drive to the dumbasses house.
There sits my car - PHEW.
I at least know that it is fine. Nobody is dead, arrested or otherwise, at least, the car is in one piece, and not impounded.
But, alas, where can my husband be? He is not in the car, nor at the friends house. I drive, and no, he is not walking down the street.
He is still at the bar.
Skip this part, as I don't even remember what i said as it was now after 11 on a worknight, 2 year old in the backseat, freezin ass cold outside, i didn't want to have to leave the house in the first place.
So, back to the car. It is sitting in the driveway. the hilly driveway, the driveway covered in snow.
and yes, of course it's stuck.
and no, i am not driving and/or pushing it.
after 15 minutes of burning out my clutch , he still hasn't had the car move an inch from where it was in the first place. i make my point well known to him that he better go and get the dumb ass who took the car for 5 hours, drove it down his snow-infested driveway, and make him push it.
Quarter to 12 and I finally pull out of the driveway. Of course, i have to pull over and let him go ahead of me since the whole freakin point is that the car has expired tags. Which he knew...b/c I told him earlier in the week that I didn't renew them yet....
Sometimes I wonder to myself about the logical aspects of men's brains.
You WHAT?
Oh, come on , it's no big deal. He's fine.
Ok, what time did he leave you?
Oh, I dunno about 1-1/2 hours ago.
HMMMMM.. freak out now or wait?
I say, calmly, (i think it was calmly).. call his ass up right now and get my car back.
He - well, i'll call him in a bit.
I hang up.
1 hour later:
Ring ring!
Hello?
Yes, DEAR, have you gotten my car back yet?
uhh, no, but i called him.
ahhh, ok.. did he answer?
uhh, no, but, well..
I SWEAR TO GOD, you better figure out what that hell..
Ok, i'll start walking to his house.
FINE.
click.
Now, it's approx. 11 degrees outside. I am so pissed.
You see, we got a new car, a bigger car that I usually drive.
He usually drives a truck.
This car in this story however, used to be "my car" before we married.
It is now for sale.
Because we don't drive it, I forgot to mail in the regsitration to get tags on it.
So, the car has expired tags.
The friend had a suspended license. which i was told it wasn't suspended anymore, but well, ya know how the shit starts getting deep when they know they have screwed up.
I am flaming pissed.
It is now 10:50p.m. I have work tomorrow. I have a 2 year old that isn't in bed yet. I AM PISSED.
I pack up my son and I , and we drive to the dumbasses house.
There sits my car - PHEW.
I at least know that it is fine. Nobody is dead, arrested or otherwise, at least, the car is in one piece, and not impounded.
But, alas, where can my husband be? He is not in the car, nor at the friends house. I drive, and no, he is not walking down the street.
He is still at the bar.
Skip this part, as I don't even remember what i said as it was now after 11 on a worknight, 2 year old in the backseat, freezin ass cold outside, i didn't want to have to leave the house in the first place.
So, back to the car. It is sitting in the driveway. the hilly driveway, the driveway covered in snow.
and yes, of course it's stuck.
and no, i am not driving and/or pushing it.
after 15 minutes of burning out my clutch , he still hasn't had the car move an inch from where it was in the first place. i make my point well known to him that he better go and get the dumb ass who took the car for 5 hours, drove it down his snow-infested driveway, and make him push it.
Quarter to 12 and I finally pull out of the driveway. Of course, i have to pull over and let him go ahead of me since the whole freakin point is that the car has expired tags. Which he knew...b/c I told him earlier in the week that I didn't renew them yet....
Sometimes I wonder to myself about the logical aspects of men's brains.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Just another day
So, we go to get our Christmas tree last night. My stepkids are with us, we planned this excursion just so that they could be a part of it. I have been working like crazy all week, and this is the only night I have open. We pack them in the car, along with our 2 year old. Everyone is CRABBY. I am pissed myself, as when I got home the house was a disaster, I'm tired from work, It is cold as hell outside and here we go in the family truckster to get a tree and NObody is happy about it. The kids are in the backseat, hitting each other, and just generally annoying each other. My husband is yelling at my stepson b/c progress reports came home and let me tell you - it was not good. I just stared out the window thinking - merry christmas! I had to start laughing, to which everyone in the car looked at me as if I were 1)drunk 2) crazy 3)both .
When we finally got to the HUGE tree farm (which was advertised as the biggest selection in our county) we walked through the small lot of trees and found one. Strapped in on top of the car, to which my husband grimmaced, although I don't know what else we were supposed to do, shove it in the back with the kids? We get the thing home, into the house, put it in the stand, everyone is standing there asking when we are gonna decorate it and... it falls over. We put it back in the stand and... it falls over again. I suppose i should look into an industrial strength tree stand, as it just doesn't seem to want to cooperate with the $40 one we bought last year. Ahhh, the holidays.
When we finally got to the HUGE tree farm (which was advertised as the biggest selection in our county) we walked through the small lot of trees and found one. Strapped in on top of the car, to which my husband grimmaced, although I don't know what else we were supposed to do, shove it in the back with the kids? We get the thing home, into the house, put it in the stand, everyone is standing there asking when we are gonna decorate it and... it falls over. We put it back in the stand and... it falls over again. I suppose i should look into an industrial strength tree stand, as it just doesn't seem to want to cooperate with the $40 one we bought last year. Ahhh, the holidays.
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